Letter I wrote to a crossdressing/transgender group I belonged to.
ME
By Steven AKA Steven
Ahh, lets see, where to start? Where else but in the beginning! (Yeah right, I can’t remember what I ate the day before let alone 20 years ago!)
A long time ago me and my brother played dress up, with of course the usual items you find in your parents attic of old clothes. One of the things that peeked my interest was a body briefer, a rather interesting garment in itself, it had an interesting look and feel to it. Later on I picked up some leotards from K-mart, the old cotton jazzercise kind, these also were interesting for a while.
While on vacation in Canada I happened upon a Sears catalog, while going through it looking at the bodysuits I came across an ice skating dress, a simple scoop neck long sleeve leotard with a single circle skirt, and came in either red or blue. I had a chance to go to the store, but they didn’t have a large in stock, so I had to order it. My mom’s sister worked at the order desk, and I ordered it and said it was for my girlfriend. Unfortunately, it was on backorder, and would have to be shipped to me at home.
Eventually my dad found out about my alternative clothing, and proceeded to clean house of anything female he could find that wasn’t in their bedroom. Fortunately he never found some of my clothing, but I received the whole spiel of dragging the family name through the mud and who knows what else, I forget luckily. My mom must have said something or what not, as she started washing my outfits and would proceed to fold them on the couch in front of him. One day I’ll have to sit down with her and ask what she said.
I continued my quest for skirted leotards, I think my second one was a kelly green pep dress from Taffy’s, they used to make some excellent outfits. It was a mock turtle neck blouse sleeve style outfit, and one of my first V inset skirts. And my third one was a baby blue mock turtleneck dress, also with an inset V from Unicorn Sport, who unfortunately is no longer around. After that, it gets a bit blurry, I recall a couple mock turtleneck fitted sleeve dresses, of which I didn’t wear at night as they would leave a seam mark down my arm!
After I moved out, I really didn’t do much, not sure why, was just busy with doing other things in my life I guess. Eventually I started getting back into it, and like now, I take it on as a second passion. I currently have over one-hundred skate dresses, and another forty or so leotards, with other skirted type leotards in there like majorette, long dance dresses, and the like. Currently I’m gaining about twenty dresses a year, and most are now custom made, as most off the rack dresses are too short in the torso for me.
From what I remember, it was the look and feel of the clothing at the time, it was not a sexual thing, I didn’t get a “woodie” from wearing it. I also didn’t consider myself female either, it was just a different style of clothing.
Now to the present,
Well, lets see, I’m a guy who likes skirts and dresses, but I don’t care to pass, or go through all the things I would need to do to pass as a female just because I’m wearing an article of clothing that is considered “for females only” To go through all that for me would be a lie, lying is something that I just can’t do with reckless abandon, and just tears me up. I also don’t see any reason that I should look female if I want to wear a skirt or dress.
As someone recently reminded me, sex is between the legs, and that gender is between the ears, Although not DNA tested, what’s between my legs says I’m male, as for between my ears, that’s a good question. If you go with what society would say I am, it would be female, I don’t express many of the typical male traits. I’m not much into sports, I don’t chase women, I don’t make vulgar comments about how someone looks, and I try not to inflict myself onto others. Among however many other typical male traits are out there, I really don’t fit into many of those. Yet since I look male, that is wow I am perceived and treated.
As for female traits, I don’t know, what I would really ask is, other then someone’s sex, what makes one person male, and another female? Does a female who holds the door open for someone a male? Is a man who sews a female? Or is a women with short hair more macho then a man with long hair? I could go on and on with examples, but other then ones sex, what is the difference between a male and female? Why does society say that the manners or clothing that someone exhibits place them in a different gender then there sex?
It’s funny in the learn to skate program I am in, that this one guy won’t do some moves because they are too “feminine” He doesn’t do such things since his dad always told him to “be a man” which is interesting in that he is in a figure skating class, a sport which is dominated by female athletes. So what is it for one person to be a man, and another to be a non-man? (Since I can’t recall hearing the phrase, “be a women”)
Currently I’m stuck in the middle, Crossdressing groups have a problem with the attention I draw, and society doesn’t think it’s right for a man to wear skirts. Clubs can be most annoying for me, as they all want to do a make over on me to make me “fit” in. I have yet to find a female who crossdresses by wearing pants and flattens there chest and sticks a sock down the front. And why is it if a man is wearing a dress, that he is crossdressing, but a women who is wearing
pants is not? And why is a man who is wearing a dress labeled gay by some people, yet a female who wears pants are not labeled lesbians?
I don’t see any reason to change who I am relative to what I’m wearing, I will hold the door for anyone, boy/girl, man/women, CD/TV/TG/TS, black/white, or a purple and green polka dotted alien, or just about anything else that’s going through the door. I try to be considerate of others and not impose myself or opinions onto them. Unfortunately most people have no clue in how to act civilized, or to be considerate of others, and chose instead to impose there opinions and actions onto others. Common sense, courtesy, and manners need to be re-ingrained into some peoples heads.
To look like a female so one will be treated like a lady is hogwash, (sorry all) I am a man, but nothing like what people say men typically are. Not all men are belligerent women hating egotistical sex manic beer guzzling sport watching child molesting rapists. And then there’s the label of “sissy” yeah, ok, so I’m a bit emotional because I laugh at funny stuff, and cry at sad stuff. But why is being a man who shows emotions label me as being a sissy? I also don’t want to pass as a female only to be “hit” upon other pathetic men, or deal with the typical macho behaviors, “Me man, you women, you come with me for sex now” Your gender, clothing, or skin color should have no bearing on the respect that others should have for who you are. (Oh what a debate this will spark) Until someone makes me think otherwise, I try not to assume how I should treat one person compared to another.
Martin Luther King Jr did not tell black people to wear makeup so that they would be accepted into society more readily. Most people do not fully understand who I am, take for example the comment someone made to me when I complained about the lack of places to eat late at night. The comment was to go to this one restaurant as they were open 24hours, and I could even go in a skirt because “those” kind of people frequented that establishment. Also being belittled by some for not wearing a skirt every opportunity I get, just because I can wear a skirt in public does not mean I have to wear a skirt every time I go out.
And I don’t believe all these people who say it takes “balls” or “guts” to wear a skirt, all it really takes is your mind. It’s funny on how some people I know comment and fuss over all the things associated with dressing. Or thinking that some things are sexy and such, like this one person looking for comments from women as to what clothing they wear and what stuff they do with it that gets them “hot” People like that do not understand that being exposed to such things there whole life, they just wear what they wear. There’s nothing to it, and is as common and ordinary as eating and sleeping. Sure, some clothing my be hotter then other clothing, (from both a male and female perspective) but it is still only clothing.
Another misconception I hate is someone saying I have a fetish, a fetish is said to be an erotic attachment to an inanimate object. It also is said that the number of items such a person has also plays a role in it being called a fetish. I’ll start with the numbers first, yes, I have a large number of skating outfits, but I consider it more of a fascination. Being as bored as I am with my typical clothes I guess, I have come across a number of styles that I like, and as such acquire many that I like. As for sexual, no, it has never been a sexual thing for me to wear such clothing, however, I will admit in liking a fair number of outfits that I see. And yes, at times my thoughts tend to wander, but I surprise myself at times of other things that turn me on.
I only find it distressing to come across people who think the only way to wear a skirt or dress is that they have to look female. Do women who wear pants have to drink beer, belch, make vulgar comments, watch football, etc…? How about a women who wears men clothing? Does she have to look like a man to do so? Men used to wear wigs, makeup, tunics, tights, etc… For some reason through the ages, men have lost the ability to wear something other then shirts and pants without being unduly labeled by others.
Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m going to step even higher up on my soapbox, (sound of heels going as fast as they can away can be heard) WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! Come on back, as enough on that.
For those of you that want to present yourselves as female, pass as, be treated as, have manners as, etc, when you consider yourself crossdressing is fine by me. I personally could care less, of course I’m talking about me, and I’m a bit more open then others. Who you are, and how you wish to present and come across to others is entirely up to you, do what you think you need to do to be accepted for what you want to do, but remember that you should be doing it for yourself, not what others think or say who you should be or what you should do.
If I’ve offended anyone, I’m sorry, I hope more to have shed some light and open thoughts into a corner some people may have not seen before. I am who I am, and you are who you are, to each his/her own, however, I am open to comments,