Skate Skirt, or Skate Kilt?

by Steven Arness | Jul 7, 2003 | Thoughts

ME
By Steven, aka Steven

Since few people have asked me, and many others have assumed I am something I am not, and since my mother says I’m a good writer, I write this in hoping that I can make some understand who I am.

And while I try not to assume to think what you or others may think, it’s a fair bet that most people have assumed incorrectly of who I am just based on the clothing I choose to wear. I also dare say that some have most likely never have met anyone like me, and I will fail to meet all preconceived notions of what the vast majority of society typically places on someone like me.

For the longest time I’ve enjoyed watching figure skating, the moves, footwork, jumps, spins, and what not, of course, if it’s not already obvious, I also have a fascination with the clothing. Unfortunately I find most mens clothing rather plain and overly bland while ladies express themselves through an endless number of choices including mens styles. As such, I’ve felt there is no reason to restrict myself as to what society says I can and cannot wear. For one, it’s just clothing, something that covers my skin, men never used to wear pants, same with women. Women nowadays however enjoy the freedom to wear pants and not be ridiculed or discriminated against for doing so. In fact, ladies can be coached wearing pants, jeans, shorts, leggings, tights, skirts, leotards, and/or dresses, while every coach I’ve approached so far has said I must wear pants 100% of the time or they will not coach me. Secondly, men who wear styles that are typically worm by females are thought of as deviants and other such things. I am male in both my sex and gender, my orientation is also hetro, even though most people assume male figure skaters are gay. I am who I am, not what others may think or assume I am.

I am not fake in who I am, I do not disguise myself as a female just so that I can wear clothing that society labels for females only, nor am I using clothing to express femininity. Women do not flatten their chest and stick a sock down the front just so that they can wear pants. As such, even though my mom wanted me to wear a wig and try to pass so that I didn’t create chaos, I do not alter or change my appearance to fit the clothing. To do so would be a lie, and that’s one thing I am not good at, it’s just clothing that I like. And since some people have a problem with men wearing a skirt, but not with women wearing pants, I call mine a Kilt, technically a SkateKilt. Also, the base of many ladies skating outfits is a leotard, which was actually invented by a man for men to wear. And of course now I come to the term which is very biased and one sided, crossdressing, if you admit that women wearing pants, leotards and other male type clothing are corssdressers, I could possibly accept the term that I also am crossdressing. Be that as it may however, I do not accept that label, it does not fit who I am, and does a great disservice in representing what I really am, human.

I’ve kept this short and to the point, and I hope to have provided some insight as to who and what I am, and what I am not. If you still wish to not get to know me for who I am on the inside based on my clothing on the outside, that’s fine, it’s fortunate that I do not discriminate in such a manor, nor am I a bigot. On the other hand, if you do wish to have a chat, chat away, I won’t bite, I promise!

The one and only Steven

Some replies in a skating forum I was on

by Steven Arness | Mar 5, 2003 | Thoughts

Well enough people are not used to it yet, today I was talking to a coach to see about getting some help with three turns. I really need to do something about going from forwards to backwards and back to forwards.

Anyway, in their policies they have a dress code, in as much as they want to keep a proper society type “Image” I will have to start wearing pants If I want to use their services.

Meanwhile three of the ladies being coached today wore leggings, it’s annoying that they have such a choice in clothing and styles they get to wear, meanwhile most men are stuck with black pants and white shirts, even ties at times. Even what I wore today was not technically acceptable since what I wore was leggings and not pants or trousers.

And as a matter of fact there is a lady there who gets coached while wearing pants and will never compete because of the rule saying she must wear a skirt. She has been skating for a while, and most assuredly is good enough to test and enter competitions yet cannot because of her refusal to wear a skirt.

Now I could care less for those of you who think otherwise on the ability of people being able to wear what they want to wear. I’m not saying that men should be going around wearing skirts and dresses just because women wear pants for just about anything they choose. And in fact is rather silly in this day and age that the USFSA makes such a requirement for women to have bare legs and a skirt for modesty. There’s more modesty in a pair of pants then in what they call skirts nowadays. Women used to wear long ful skirts as to hide there legs, since seeing such a part of a female was “taboo” Sonja Henie changed all that. Maybe someone will step up and compete wearing trousers one day, and we can get rid of this silly requirement.

And while a lady can express femininity with showing her legs, bare arms, and chest. Men are not allowed to show their legs, arms, or chest, even what makes men men must be hidden. Course some will argue that a man in a pair of crisp black pants and ruffly white shirt is masculine. But I dare ask, should clothing really depict that? Or should one be freer in the forms of expression and choice? I hardly see a man going outside the norm unless it’s in pairs, and even then I see more black pants and white shirts then I do in matching type outfits.

What I am saying is why can’t there be more leeway in what one can wear? I’m all for keeping the nudity part in, after all, we do still need modesty, (my personal opinion) Course if you took that part out you really could get some attention then. Now I know that figure skating is about artistic impression, in fact if you don’t make enough of an impression your score will go down. I just find it silly and annoying that clothing is so restricted, even Scott Hamilton was fed up with the type of outfits people were wearing. Realistically, unless your at a competition, and your doing a routine to show your artistic impression of something, does it really matter what you are wearing? Shouldn’t it be more about completing your elements, hitting your marks, and not falling down? If it was about the clothing, wouldn’t there be a separate set of marks for it, or more then a .1 deduction if they don’t think it appropriate?

Or I could be wrong on the whole thing, after all, it’s just my views and opinions.

I’m glad your more open to it, it took me over a month to convince people that underneath the clothing I’m still a guy, and pretty decent one at that. And most obviously not your ordinary typical male chauvinistic pig. Especially not like the ones who come on hockey skates that skate as fast as they can and then do a hockey stop into the wall to see how high they can make snow. Men who do figure skating is definitely a rarity, and I’m definitely more rare then most.

Who says you have to wear boobs to wear a skirt? Do you see women flattening their chest and sticking a sock down the front when they wear pants? How about Scottish men? Do they wear boobs with their skirt? No, they don’t.

Putting on a fire suit does not automatically make one a fireman, neither if you put on a policemen’s uniform make you a policeman. Clothing is something that covers ones skin, it does not change who you are on the inside. Just because a fireman is not in uniform does not stop him from being a fireman.

What’s the big deal about a skirt anyways? Men and women both used to wear tunics, there was no such thing as pants in the old days. many men in other countries wear sarongs as there much cooler to wear then pants. Women enjoy the freedom nowadays to wear a skirt or pants, unless there skating of course, then they must present themselves as tarts for the dogs to drool over.

And no, I don’t wear ladies figure skates, I wear mens, and they are black, of course women used to wear black skates too a long time ago, there was no such thing as color to tell which skates belonged to what gender. Many people have told me that black does not go will with suntan tights however. So more often now I wear black tights, albite a bit off I think if I wear a lighter colored outfit. Yet ladies can wear black or white skates, or even nude covers.

You can pray for me, pray that there are more tolerant people out there then your own bigoted views. I skate with a great group of people, they accept me for who I am, and not the clothing I am wearing.

Kilt/skirt what’s the difference? It’s still a garment that doesn’t separate the legs. You only associate it that way since male Scotts have been wearing kilts for eons, probably before even the skirt was named a skirt. There’s always seems to be one name for a female piece of clothing, and one for the male version, even if they look identical. Pants are the only thing I know of that retain the same name no matter what gender there made for, or which gender is wearing them.

Overalls, vs jumpsuit, dress shirt vs blouse, skirt vs kilt, panties vs briefs, etc etc

You associate gender to clothing, clothing has nothing to do with ones gender, I still look like a guy, talk like a guy, and still use my male name wether I’m in pants or a skirt. I’m not hiding anything.

Who says I’m gay? Obviously all the women wearing pants must be lesbians with this correlation, do you want me to call women lesbians for wearing pants? Since when does ones clothing dictate ones sexual orientation? Over 75% of the men who crossdress (of which I am not a crossdresser, unless you want to call women wearing pants crossdressers also) are heterosexual. Only about 1% of gay men crossdress (the other 14% are bisexual)

Bigot? Yes, I’m a bigot, I’m a bigot about people who are unaccepting of others and would rather inflict their own views and opinions onto them.

Yeah, I answered my own question, I was seeing what kind of people were in this group, like asking how’s the weather.

Your entitled to your opinion, I’m fine with that.

Robe/dress what’s the difference? If you hade a dress that buttoned from top to bottom, could it not be considered a robe if left unbuttoned?

If a man gets out of the shower and puts a robe on, is it still a robe? If a women gets out of the shower and puts a robe on, does it turn into a dress?

I think your forgetting the fact that pants are a modern invention, when this book your quoting from was written, there was no such thing as pants. Men and women essentially wore the same type of clothing. Go ahead, call the same garment two different names if that makes you happy, it’s still the same thing!

I haven’t been to Los Angeles, but from what I hear, it’s not uncommon to see men in skirts all the time over there. You discriminate against the clothing one is wearing, same as if you were judging them by their skin color. Skin color, clothing, fat, skinny, hair color, physical traits are just a shell for holding what someone is on the inside. That is what makes someone a person, none of this other stuff should matter, yet you use it to inflict your bigoted views. Society is changing, if I were you, I’d hide.

Oh, it may look like I only have one ore, but the other one is in storage, why row when you have a sail and a strong wind?

What a silly reply, I really don’t believe most of what you say, I’m glad you think it’s a joke, I don’t, I’m fighting for freedom and the end of oppression. Talking to you about this is like poring water into a colander, a waste of time and effort.

Go ahead and sleep, I’ll still be burning the midnight oil for what I believe in, I am me, not what others think I should be.

Oh what a tangled web I have woven!

I will agree that I did tell a lie to start the post, and I was seeing what peoples thoughts would be. Since I didn’t use another users name to start the conversation, I thought it would be better to come at it in a third persons point of view. Saying that I was a guy wearing a skirt off the bat most likely would have skewed the results, and we’d still be where we are now. I also believe in my post on the 4th with started all this, I said it was my views and opinions, and on my post on the 5th stating that KB was entitled to their opinion, and I was fine with that.

I agree with you thinking that I was looking for replies based on my post, I was asking opinions, and I made the mistake of not being forward about it, or fixing it afterwards. I’ve never been good at deceit, and this most obviously points out this fact. Quite honestly, I am very annoyed at myself for this mistake, I am sorry for what has transpired since my reply to Kari on the 4th. Thank you Nyssa for straightening me out in that fact. I’m sorry to you too KB, I do understand what your thoughts are, I’ve been down that road already, I’m sorry for being bullish in trying to make my point. As for the others who have posted, please accept my apologies, I will do my best to just by myself, and not lie.

Yes, it took me a while to express to people who I was, three weeks I think I said, since I didn’t give the background or details to what transpired, it sort of puts it out of context.

I had been sating at the rink a number of times, either in a skirt or leggings and leotard (which was invented by a man for men to wear by the way) One of the skating moms came out and skated with me and popped the question as to why I would wear such clothing. I won’t bother explaining what I said, we’ve already been down this road. When I was done talking to her I felt that she did not fully understand what I was saying, so I wrote a three page letter to her describing my thoughts, how I looked at, my views and opinions and such. She gave them back and gave me some of her thoughts. A week later I asked how her daughter did at competitions, she asked as to why I wanted to know. As pretty much of not being part of their group or socializing with them. I told her I was just curious as I know a number of people who went, and I know how they finished (three people received gold medals, which I was glad as they’ve worked so hard) This in turn brought up the whole skirt issue again, and why a man would wear such tight fitting clothing. Of which I now found out that she did not read any of the letters I had given her, so I sat and talked to her for at least half an hour going through it all. After this, she gave me the address of her church and what time they would be there. Since I wanted to understand her viewpoint, I went to her church. After services, she said she had to look me straight in the eye for what she was about to say. She said she was sorry for judging me based on the clothing I was wearing and that she was a bigot for doing so. To say the least I was floored, I did not expect this kind of reply from her.

Also at this rink there is a lady who has been skating for a number of years and is also taking private lessons to further her skills. And while I think she is pretty good, you will never see this lady at any tests. Nor will you see her competing at any competitions. Why you may ask? For the simple reason that for her to do any of this, she must abide by the rules of being forced to wear a skirt.

She claims the simple reason of modesty, and has tried various outfits to comply, but basically is barred from going further in the sport for the simple reason of not having the ability to wear trousers. Something which women have had the ability to do outside of skating and other sports for a great number of years. I’ve been told that the skirt is supposed to be for modesty, tell me what would be more modest then for this lady to wear something she is comfortable and feels more dignified in? How many other skaters out there don’t move onward due to this sexist rule?

Given the requirements of modesty, why do we continue to see pictures of a ladies behind, underwear, or views down the front of their dress? In fact I recall a picture once that you could see the waistband of the tights and their bellybutton. Is this modesty? If you want to keep the skirt why not go back to the long ankle length ones? If not, they why can’t skating modernize and let the athletes have the ability to express themselves in a more modern flair? I won’t argue with you an artistic impression, after all, most other sports that women are in is more about their ability, not how sexy they look. Figure skating is one of the few sports I know that ones attire is enforced and graded on, ones skating should be judged on their moves, and not their clothing.

You must understand that when I think that someone doesn’t understand, that I do my best to explain it in such a manner as to have it make sense. In this I tend to explain the same thing multiple times from different directions. Of course it may end up looking like harassment and that I’m forcing my opinion down ones throat by the time I’m done. I’m sorry if it’s come across this way, it is just my nature in trying to come to an understanding.

You must also understand that I place no gender on clothing, clothing is a piece of material that covers ones skin. A long time ago a women dared to wear pants, she faced the same ridicule I face now. And for that, women now enjoy the freedom of wearing everything from jeans to pantsuits. It’s so interesting that the ladies get such things as boycut shorts, yet men don’t have girlcut shorts. Women enjoy many of the mens styles and clothing out there, yet if a man tries to express the same interest, he gets shot down. Yes, maybe I’m one of the few men out there that think it’s silly that men don’t have more choices in what we wear. Go ahead, I dare you to look in a clothing catalog and tell me how many more pages of ladies wear there is compared to menswear. Since when do I have to be restricted to what is offered to men? Don’t I not have a choice in what I want to wear? Maybe a designer one day will come out with a manly skirt, what’s going to happen then? Many men already enjoy having long hair and earrings, it’s no big deal anymore.

Maybe I should have gone the route my mom told me to go to avoid all this, and that would be to pretend that I was female buy using a wig, makeup and fake “boobs” And hiding that I was a man. I do not feel this way about what I wear, I am a guy, if you want to say that guys should only wear guys clothing, that’s fine. Girls don’t become guys for wearing t-shirts and pants, I’m working to make that true for many others out there like me who like the choices clothing, want to stay a guy, but don’t want to be mislabeled

No, I do not claim to be an expert in women’s clothing, it’s much more complex then what us men get to wear. After all, many items from the mens wardrobe have disappeared, such as leggings, dresses, heels, and wigs to name a few. But I was tying to make a simple point in how a piece of clothing changes meaning by the label it is given.

I try not belittle people either, I let ones actions speak for them, not there clothing, hair color, skin color, if their fat or skinny, if they have long legs, short legs, missing an arm or a leg, stutter, crossed eyes or what not. I DON’T CARE! You know how many ladies I’ve talked to on-line that were afraid I wouldn’t talk to them anymore after they sent me there picture and they were overweight? I got to know these people for who they were, their views, and opinions, physical traits did not matter not matter to me! Expressing my opinion can be taken as belittling however, how else is my differing opinion going to be taken from someone else’s? And in fact you could even call me a bigot for it too because I’m sure I fit into that also!

Three of the moms skate with me at times when I’m out there, and I talk to numerous others, both men and women, they talk to me just as they would any other human being. They have the wisdom and attitude to look past the outside and not make it a reason to avoid talking to someone.

I will not argue with you on the point of the robe, as I’m sure it carries a religious context for some, rather then a bathrobe or dressing gown. However, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a anyone in church wearing a robe.

Yes, opinion seeking I was, drama was just a side effect, after all, did anyone think such a taboo topic to some would not stir up all these replies? Why else did you think I tried to distance myself from it? All this is my fault for replying to a message in first person point of view rather then a third person if I had wanted to keep up the deceit. I should have either kept it in a third persons point of view or started a new thread, that was my mistake, and I accept that, I am human. If you can forgive, please accept my apologies, if not, I’m sorry, I hope others do not do the same to you as I have done. I have learned from this, and will do my best not to repeat it.

For future reference, I will no longer call what I am wearing a skating dress, rather it is a leotard with an attached kilt.

Steven AKA Steven

by Steven Arness | Feb 8, 2003 | Thoughts

Letter I wrote to a crossdressing/transgender group I belonged to.

ME
By Steven AKA Steven

Ahh, lets see, where to start? Where else but in the beginning! (Yeah right, I can’t remember what I ate the day before let alone 20 years ago!)

A long time ago me and my brother played dress up, with of course the usual items you find in your parents attic of old clothes. One of the things that peeked my interest was a body briefer, a rather interesting garment in itself, it had an interesting look and feel to it. Later on I picked up some leotards from K-mart, the old cotton jazzercise kind, these also were interesting for a while.

While on vacation in Canada I happened upon a Sears catalog, while going through it looking at the bodysuits I came across an ice skating dress, a simple scoop neck long sleeve leotard with a single circle skirt, and came in either red or blue. I had a chance to go to the store, but they didn’t have a large in stock, so I had to order it. My mom’s sister worked at the order desk, and I ordered it and said it was for my girlfriend. Unfortunately, it was on backorder, and would have to be shipped to me at home.

Eventually my dad found out about my alternative clothing, and proceeded to clean house of anything female he could find that wasn’t in their bedroom. Fortunately he never found some of my clothing, but I received the whole spiel of dragging the family name through the mud and who knows what else, I forget luckily. My mom must have said something or what not, as she started washing my outfits and would proceed to fold them on the couch in front of him. One day I’ll have to sit down with her and ask what she said.

I continued my quest for skirted leotards, I think my second one was a kelly green pep dress from Taffy’s, they used to make some excellent outfits. It was a mock turtle neck blouse sleeve style outfit, and one of my first V inset skirts. And my third one was a baby blue mock turtleneck dress, also with an inset V from Unicorn Sport, who unfortunately is no longer around. After that, it gets a bit blurry, I recall a couple mock turtleneck fitted sleeve dresses, of which I didn’t wear at night as they would leave a seam mark down my arm!

After I moved out, I really didn’t do much, not sure why, was just busy with doing other things in my life I guess. Eventually I started getting back into it, and like now, I take it on as a second passion. I currently have over one-hundred skate dresses, and another forty or so leotards, with other skirted type leotards in there like majorette, long dance dresses, and the like. Currently I’m gaining about twenty dresses a year, and most are now custom made, as most off the rack dresses are too short in the torso for me.

From what I remember, it was the look and feel of the clothing at the time, it was not a sexual thing, I didn’t get a “woodie” from wearing it. I also didn’t consider myself female either, it was just a different style of clothing.

Now to the present,

Well, lets see, I’m a guy who likes skirts and dresses, but I don’t care to pass, or go through all the things I would need to do to pass as a female just because I’m wearing an article of clothing that is considered “for females only” To go through all that for me would be a lie, lying is something that I just can’t do with reckless abandon, and just tears me up. I also don’t see any reason that I should look female if I want to wear a skirt or dress.

As someone recently reminded me, sex is between the legs, and that gender is between the ears, Although not DNA tested, what’s between my legs says I’m male, as for between my ears, that’s a good question. If you go with what society would say I am, it would be female, I don’t express many of the typical male traits. I’m not much into sports, I don’t chase women, I don’t make vulgar comments about how someone looks, and I try not to inflict myself onto others. Among however many other typical male traits are out there, I really don’t fit into many of those. Yet since I look male, that is wow I am perceived and treated.

As for female traits, I don’t know, what I would really ask is, other then someone’s sex, what makes one person male, and another female? Does a female who holds the door open for someone a male? Is a man who sews a female? Or is a women with short hair more macho then a man with long hair? I could go on and on with examples, but other then ones sex, what is the difference between a male and female? Why does society say that the manners or clothing that someone exhibits place them in a different gender then there sex?

It’s funny in the learn to skate program I am in, that this one guy won’t do some moves because they are too “feminine” He doesn’t do such things since his dad always told him to “be a man” which is interesting in that he is in a figure skating class, a sport which is dominated by female athletes. So what is it for one person to be a man, and another to be a non-man? (Since I can’t recall hearing the phrase, “be a women”)

Currently I’m stuck in the middle, Crossdressing groups have a problem with the attention I draw, and society doesn’t think it’s right for a man to wear skirts. Clubs can be most annoying for me, as they all want to do a make over on me to make me “fit” in. I have yet to find a female who crossdresses by wearing pants and flattens there chest and sticks a sock down the front. And why is it if a man is wearing a dress, that he is crossdressing, but a women who is wearing
pants is not? And why is a man who is wearing a dress labeled gay by some people, yet a female who wears pants are not labeled lesbians?

I don’t see any reason to change who I am relative to what I’m wearing, I will hold the door for anyone, boy/girl, man/women, CD/TV/TG/TS, black/white, or a purple and green polka dotted alien, or just about anything else that’s going through the door. I try to be considerate of others and not impose myself or opinions onto them. Unfortunately most people have no clue in how to act civilized, or to be considerate of others, and chose instead to impose there opinions and actions onto others. Common sense, courtesy, and manners need to be re-ingrained into some peoples heads.

To look like a female so one will be treated like a lady is hogwash, (sorry all) I am a man, but nothing like what people say men typically are. Not all men are belligerent women hating egotistical sex manic beer guzzling sport watching child molesting rapists. And then there’s the label of “sissy” yeah, ok, so I’m a bit emotional because I laugh at funny stuff, and cry at sad stuff. But why is being a man who shows emotions label me as being a sissy? I also don’t want to pass as a female only to be “hit” upon other pathetic men, or deal with the typical macho behaviors, “Me man, you women, you come with me for sex now” Your gender, clothing, or skin color should have no bearing on the respect that others should have for who you are. (Oh what a debate this will spark) Until someone makes me think otherwise, I try not to assume how I should treat one person compared to another.

Martin Luther King Jr did not tell black people to wear makeup so that they would be accepted into society more readily. Most people do not fully understand who I am, take for example the comment someone made to me when I complained about the lack of places to eat late at night. The comment was to go to this one restaurant as they were open 24hours, and I could even go in a skirt because “those” kind of people frequented that establishment. Also being belittled by some for not wearing a skirt every opportunity I get, just because I can wear a skirt in public does not mean I have to wear a skirt every time I go out.

And I don’t believe all these people who say it takes “balls” or “guts” to wear a skirt, all it really takes is your mind. It’s funny on how some people I know comment and fuss over all the things associated with dressing. Or thinking that some things are sexy and such, like this one person looking for comments from women as to what clothing they wear and what stuff they do with it that gets them “hot” People like that do not understand that being exposed to such things there whole life, they just wear what they wear. There’s nothing to it, and is as common and ordinary as eating and sleeping. Sure, some clothing my be hotter then other clothing, (from both a male and female perspective) but it is still only clothing.

Another misconception I hate is someone saying I have a fetish, a fetish is said to be an erotic attachment to an inanimate object. It also is said that the number of items such a person has also plays a role in it being called a fetish. I’ll start with the numbers first, yes, I have a large number of skating outfits, but I consider it more of a fascination. Being as bored as I am with my typical clothes I guess, I have come across a number of styles that I like, and as such acquire many that I like. As for sexual, no, it has never been a sexual thing for me to wear such clothing, however, I will admit in liking a fair number of outfits that I see. And yes, at times my thoughts tend to wander, but I surprise myself at times of other things that turn me on.

I only find it distressing to come across people who think the only way to wear a skirt or dress is that they have to look female. Do women who wear pants have to drink beer, belch, make vulgar comments, watch football, etc…? How about a women who wears men clothing? Does she have to look like a man to do so? Men used to wear wigs, makeup, tunics, tights, etc… For some reason through the ages, men have lost the ability to wear something other then shirts and pants without being unduly labeled by others.

Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m going to step even higher up on my soapbox, (sound of heels going as fast as they can away can be heard) WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! Come on back, as enough on that.

For those of you that want to present yourselves as female, pass as, be treated as, have manners as, etc, when you consider yourself crossdressing is fine by me. I personally could care less, of course I’m talking about me, and I’m a bit more open then others. Who you are, and how you wish to present and come across to others is entirely up to you, do what you think you need to do to be accepted for what you want to do, but remember that you should be doing it for yourself, not what others think or say who you should be or what you should do.

If I’ve offended anyone, I’m sorry, I hope more to have shed some light and open thoughts into a corner some people may have not seen before. I am who I am, and you are who you are, to each his/her own, however, I am open to comments,