by Steven Arness | Mar 31, 2020 | Experiences
One day, of which I don’t remember the exact flow of the morning, I had stopped at the rink before heading to the rec center for water aerobics. At the rink there were a couple people practicing, not sure what ice time it was, possibly club ice.
I was just sitting in the bleachers relaxing and watching for a while when the mom of one of daughters I’ve skated with during the public ice sat next to me (or did I see her and move next to her? I’m not sure). We talked a little bit and she mentioned that the other lady that had been sitting with her thought it was strange for an adult man, who was by himself, to be watching little girls skate. She told me that she told the lady, “Oh, that’s Steven, he’s more interested in the dress then the girl in the dress”.
I don’t remember much past that as the remark had made such an impression on me.
I can’t deny that I have a fascination of dresses and skirts, but I also enjoy skating for the complexity it has, the moves, spins, footwork, etc etc. Figure skating is much more of a personal ownership sport and I enjoy the emotions I see in the skaters, and what I feel in myself.
by Steven Arness | Mar 31, 2020 | Experiences
I was attending an advanced adult learn to skate at a rink when a little girl approached me and asked if I could tie her laces.
I told her that I shouldn’t, of which she pondered why? I told her I was sorry, but people may take it the wrong way if I tie your skates. Again she pondered as to why, it took many times saying sorry from me before I had finished tying mine and had her seek help from someone else.
I later became really annoyed with myself, such a simple request and task, yet if I were to do it, someone may have thought I had an ulterior motive and cause all kind of drama that was nether warranted nor necessary.
If she had told her story to someone, they may have come across all kinds of ideas as to why I didn’t oblige to her request. And heaven forbid if she had mentioned I was wearing a dress.
Indeed children are innocent as she had no idea as to why a grown man who looked more then capable of tying her laces refused to do so. One day unfortunately, she will understand one way or the other, as to why that man feared tying her laces that day.
by Steven Arness | Mar 31, 2020 | Experiences
I was a member of a skating club, I wasn’t able to do a whole lot as they really didn’t do much for adults, not really there fault as USFSA didn’t do much either back then.
But I did help out when I could and one of those tasks I did do was queuing and playing the program music for people practicing for competition. Nobody really complained about the work I did, and most of the time I didn’t have any issues except for this one coach.
They seemed to have a personal vengeance of hate toward me to the point that I was explicitly told by them in a very negative tone to not talk to their students. Which in itself was silly as their students needed to talk to me to get their music in the que and played.
Now one of the things back then was connecting the music box to the rink speaker system, and sometimes you had to fiddle with one of the cords as it had a bad connection. It was all taped up and such and in pretty poor condition, since I have an electronics background, I took it home to see if I could fix it.
When I get it home, it turns out the grip came loose and broke the center conductor, if you kept it pressed, and with some tape, it kind of kept it touching and working. So I unsoldered everything, stripped the wires back and made a good solid connection to the shield. I redid the friction grip and it now was pretty solid also. I then redid the center conductor and put a little kink in it so if it did get stretched that it would have some room to move instead if breaking.
So I bring back the repaired cord at the next session and upon seeing I had the cord with me, the coach that told me not to talk to their students blew a gasket. I told them I had taken it home to repair it of which I was told I had no right to do so and that I didn’t know what I was doing.
I didn’t argue with them as what’s the point of talking with someone that had already made up their mind about me and who I was and couldn’t be convinced otherwise?
by Steven Arness | Jan 24, 2005 | Experiences
wore pants.
Yes, wear pants, your a guy, guy’s wear pants. If you would just wear pants then you would be respected and treated fairly.
And you know what? I tried that, and nothing changed, I was still the adult man that people also knew that I wore skirts and dresses. So no, nothing changed, even my second coach wouldn’t give me a chance to take my warmup pants off even though they interfered with my skating.
wore black skates.
When I started skating, I did the traditional black skates. But when I was skating better and was wearing dresses and tights more often, the saying that “Black goes with everything” wasn’t really true in this case. So I switched to white skates, although I did have a thought when my first pair started to break down to get a different color. Of which most likely would have been blue of all things! I think the white however is a better, more neutral, color to go with.
looked like everyone else.
This one, wow, just wow, why would I want to look like everyone else? Does everyone else really look like everyone else? No, they don’t, so what are we really taking about? Oh, the overall look, yes, ok, so females can choose pants, leggings, skirts, dresses in whatever fit and color they desire. Same with their boots, they don’t have to be white and again can be any color they desire, including black! In fact I’ve seen black, purple, leopard print, pink, green, orange, bedazzled white and who knows what else.
But your a male so your choice is ankle length pants, sleeved shirt, both in dark colors although you’d be ok with a white shirt. Don’t forgot they should be a size or two bigger than you normally wear, and of course black boots.
stopped skating.
Yes, you heard that right, and it boils down to the fact that adults shouldn’t be skating. Although I think in this case they just didn’t want me to skate, but for the most part, adult skaters were the oddity and therefore could be ignored for the most part. If one was lucky, you could find some ice time that was specific to adults as some places restricted participation based on age and not ability. And what a shame too that younger people couldn’t see that there is still skating well beyond their youth.
Of course the majority of the discrimination I faced was unseen, there are a lot of things I tried to do, most of it however in vain.
by Steven Arness | Sep 18, 2004 | Experiences
When I was skating at my winter rink during the morning sessions there were several other skaters either practicing or taking lessons. One lady who’s daughter was there skating, of which I tried to have small talk with, was on the shy side of responding. I didn’t push it or anything like that, and I can’t even recall what I was commenting on.
Then one day her mom suggested that I attend their church, for what, I do not exactly recall.
Anyways, I attended and sat behind them with the preacher talking about how he was happy about the congregation accepting him as their preacher even though he didn’t always wear the traditional attire. He talked about some other things and about casting stones when in a glass house.
At the end of all this, she turned around and gave me a hug and apologized for her thoughts and actions.
I thought wow, OK, we are doing good now and talking won’t be so awkward.
Unfortunately back at the rink, things didn’t change, I still couldn’t chit chat with them or have any kind of meaningful conversations. I wrote several letters, but it didn’t seem to matter for any kind of progress.
I’m an open person, and I’m certainly willing to listen to others and what they have to say, but I am also my own person.
It makes me wonder too if she spoke with the preacher before the services to see if they could say something related to my clothing choices. If she did, then I would say it did not work in her favor and the preacher was on point in their words.
by Steven Arness | Jul 5, 2004 | Experiences
So I’m doing my warmups, and then probably a good 10-15 minutes doing back crossovers each direction as well as figure 8’s.
I think I did a lap or two to cool down then went to work on spins (still my nemesis!) Anyways, I attempted a spin and when I stopped, I suddenly felt my butt get cold. I looked around and was like ?!?!? I ran my hand around and such but nothing was obvious. So I tried another spin and I felt my butt get cold again! And was like, what the heck?! I did another spin, and it happened again! This time I took my gloves off checked my skirt and butt (discreetly of course!) I found that I was a bit warm and maybe a tad damp from sweat (velvet material).
What I then figured out is that when I was just standing, my skirt was resting on my butt and getting warmed. When I did my spins, it was being cooled off by the air. And then when I stopped, it fell back down on my butt and the coolness was very noticeable!
What’s more funny is that I posted about my experience on a skating forum I was on and someone commented on me of being perverted talking about such things, especially being a man wearing a dress.
All I could think of was, I just experienced something you never will, and it was hilarious!
