by Steven Arness | Jun 15, 2022 | Thoughts
I haven’t had much interaction with a lot of these different diversity and inclusion groups but can imagine the conversation going like this.
Them: Hi thanks for contacting us what’s your concern?
Me: I’m looking for support as I’m being discriminated against.
Them: Are you lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer? LGBTQ
Me: No.
Them: Are you black, indingonus or person of color? BIPOC
Me: No.
Them: I don’t understand, can you explain?
Me: I’m a male that wears skirts and dresses sometimes and have been told to leave or change clothes.
Them: Ah so your transgender, we might be able to help you with that.
Me: No, I’m still male when I wear a skirt or dress.
Them: So a crossdresser?
Me: No, I don’t change my appearance just because I’m wearing a shirt or dress.
Them: I’m sorry but we only cater to people who don’t have a choice based on their skin color or sexual preference.
Me: So inclusion is not all inclusive?
Them: No.
Me: So while my mom can wear pants, skirts, dresses, and not have to change her appearance to do so. I would have to completely change my appearance if I wore a skirt or dress to be treated the same as her. Is that what you’re saying?
Them: No, white cisgender males are not included in our diversity group even though they could be discriminated against for their choice of attire.
Me: And why is that?
Them: Your not LGBTQ or BIPOC and what clothing you wear is a choice.
Me: But I’m being discriminated against!
Them: Sorry, but we can’t help.
Me: Do you have any suggestions?
Them: Have you tried a men’s rights advocacy group?
Me: Yes, but they are focused on other forms of discrimination like parental rights.
Them: Where do you live?
Me: Ohio
Them: It’s not legal in Ohio to discriminate based on sex in Ohio.
Me: I know that, but I was still asked to leave for wearing the same clothing as the female customers who were there and not asked to leave.
Them: I’m sorry, but your discrimination is not included in our diversity and inclusion mission, I suggest seeking legal advise.
Me: I guess Webster’s was wrong.
by Steven Arness | Jun 8, 2022 | Thoughts
Do you know what sucks about dealing with the bigotry and discrimination I’ve faced for 20 years indulging in the same freedom as my female counterparts?
It’s that when I do win, and I will, to where I have the same freedom as my female counterparts, I’ll also have lost.
What have a I lost you ask? Do you know what has changed in those 20 years? My body, my body is 20 years older then when I started dealing with all this bigotry. Age is not kind to anyone, one day age will win, but the bigoted and discriminatory actions of others never will.
by Steven Arness | Mar 31, 2020 | Thoughts
Over the years of trying to get a coach, and losing the few I’ve had, I came to the conclusion that even though a lot of the coaches I came across were pretty high level. None of them could coach me as I was at a higher level then their ability to teach.
A good coach/teacher is able to adapt their methods to the student they are trying to coach/teach.
by Steven Arness | Jul 29, 2012 | Thoughts
I was at work one day when I overheard a customer talking about how they had to pay $125 for their child to play baseball for the summer season when it was free the year before.
I stood their thinking, be lucky that your child is not a figure skater!
There are so many costs involved in figure skating, for one, not every school, let alone city has an ice rink. So right off the bat you may have travel involved, and if you do have a rink to go to, now you have to deal with what time you can go. If your lucky, you may have access to more then one rink, but most of the time there is only one which can severely restrict participation time.
For baseball, basketball, and football, there are usually plenty of options to choose from. Largest obstacle in participating is usually the weather, but even so, there are places that one could practice indoors without too much cost or trouble.
Ok, so you have a rink and a time, now unlike most of the other amenities found in a lot of schools and cities that you can typically use for free, you will have to pay for your ice time even if it is a city owned ice rink.
Wow, ok, so now you have ice to skate on, but guess what? Unlike most sports, you can’t skate with shoes! I know, a bit silly, but think about it, you can play a large variety of other sports without specialized equipment. Certainly you do need some specific equipment to play some sports, but I think figure skates are more specific then say a basketball that just about everyone can use.
Fortunately, once you get your ice and skates, you don’t need much more, some people could argue clothing, but for practicing, you really don’t need anything fancy. Some snug fitting clothing that doesn’t get in the way and has some stretch is all you need.
Ok, so you have all that now, what’s missing? Oh yeah, a coach! Just starting out? No biggie, it’s possible to find group lessons and participate in that, cost effective and generally a good start. But even with that, private lessons are a must if you want to progress further, so more ice time and more costs.
So everything is humming along good and thoughts of testing come to mind, really no biggie in that department as the only thing that most people change is the attire. So something a little more fancy then warmup or practice, but nothing overly blingy. With testing you may have practice ice to pay for as well as a testing fee, and if your coach is there, they typically get paid also.
Next on the list? Competitions! Again, not really much of a change here, a themed costume will be the biggest change. And that cost can be from $200 to $2,000, on top of that, the coach usually attends the competitions to watch, and they typically want paid for their time there. Don’t forget registration and competition (for each event) fees, those need be paid before competing as well as any other fees like facility, practice ice, etc etc. Again, if your lucky, the rink will be nearby, otherwise there’s also travel cost, possibly hotel rooms, meals, and possibly even paying for the coaches meals and room (fortunately these are spilt up at times when coaches have more then one person competing.)
Wow, ok, so a few competitions later, sometimes sooner, guess what? It’s usually time to move up a level, so more time, more lessons, more travel, and of course, a new costume!
So what’s the cost? I’ve heard from a couple thousand and up to $30,000 PER season. Sorry, but I wouldn’t be all that upset in paying $125 compared to what I’ve come across.
by Steven Arness | Jun 23, 2004 | Thoughts
ME
by Steven, a.k.a., Steven
For those who may not know me, I’m the guy who skates in a skirt, yes, that guy, if you haven’t seen me, I’ve been told I have great legs. I hope in this rather brief (for me anyways) letter to provide some insight as to who I am, and to settle some of the gossip and fears that ye may have.
Well, lets see, I’m a guy who wears skirts and dresses, (pants and shirts too, but there so ho hum), but I don’t care to pass, or go through all the things I would need to do to pass as a female just because I’m wearing an article of clothing that society considers “for females only” To go through all that for me would be a lie, lying is something that I just can’t do with reckless abandon, and just tears me up. I also don’t see any reason that I should look female if I want to wear a skirt or dress, (although my mom thinks I should get a wig so I fit in). Martin Luther King Jr did not tell black people to wear makeup so that they would be accepted into society more readily. It’s also been funny to come across men who won’t do some moves because they are too “feminine” Their reason being that they are a man, and macho men don’t do such moves.
As someone recently reminded me, sex is ones physical attributes, and that gender is between the ears, Although not DNA tested, I’m pretty sure I’m male in the physical department, as for between my ears, that’s a good question. If you go with what society would say I am, it would be female, I don’t express many of the typical male traits. I’m not much into sports, I don’t chase women, I don’t make vulgar comments about how someone looks, and I try not to inflict myself onto others. Among however many other typical male traits are out there, I really don’t fit into many of those. Yet since I look male, that is how I am perceived and treated.
As for female traits, I don’t know, what I would really ask is, other then someone’s sex, what makes one person male, and another female? Does a female who holds the door open for someone a male? Is a man who sews a female? Or is a women with short hair more macho then a man with long hair? I’m in serious trouble if men aren’t supposed to cry, so don’t tell anyone, ok? I could go on and on with examples, but other then ones sex, what is the difference between a male and female? Why does society say that the manners or clothing that someone exhibits places them in a different gender then their sex?
It is estimated that about 10% of the male population crossdresses, that is, they wear female clothing use makeup, wigs, falsies, etc… And try to pass as the opposite sex (while over 50% have worn, or do wear female attire). While everyone likes to label me as a crossdresser, I’m sure by now that it is quite obvious that I do not try to pass as a women. I do not consider women who wear pants crossdressing, (unless they have flattened their chest and added a bulge.) So neither do I consider myself a crossdresser. While on the subject of statistics, there are very few gays who crossdress, which coincidently corresponds to the high number of men who crossdress and are heterosexual. Also keeping with this, there is no correlation as to the fact that just because someone crossdresses, there automatically a rapist, murderer, or child molester.
Having said that, I have now dug myself into a hole, since I could arguably hide behind the statistics of being a crossdresser. But that is not who I am, and neither am I any of the other things. (Gay, child molester, murderer, rapist, you can ask or check my record if you want)
I’ve had people argue about it both ways with me, one group saying that I’m looking for trouble and hurt with what I’m doing. And the other more interesting group saying, “Your still you, so what?” Of course I’m also stuck between the crossdressers who are inflamed that I dress like a women, but refuse to look or act like one. Saying that I am doing a disservice to all genetic and TV, TG, TS, and CD’s out there with my appearance. And on the other end I have to deal with the straights who want no part in dealing with a guy wearing a dress, who is most obviously a guy, no if’s and’s or but’s about it.
I don’t see any reason to change who I am relative to what I’m wearing, I will hold the door for anyone, boy/girl, man/women, CD/TV/TG/TS, black/white, or a purple and green polka dotted alien, or just about anything else that’s going through the door. I try to be considerate of others and not impose myself or opinions onto them. Unfortunately most people have no clue in how to act civilized, or to be considerate of others, and chose instead to impose there opinions and actions onto others. Common sense, courtesy, and manners need to be re-ingrained into some peoples heads. Someone’s actions and manners decide for me, not their appearance.
Now saying all that, I will say that I have run across some folks who don’t seem to care one bit in what I’m wearing, and talk to me just like any other human being. (Me, a human? How about that!)
I deal with a great number of people on this, and It’s funny on how some people comment and fuss over all the things associated with dressing. I’m annoyed by people asking women as to what clothing they wear and what stuff they do with it that gets them “hot” People like that do not understand that for most people, clothing is just clothing. There’s nothing to it, and is as common and ordinary as eating and sleeping, sometimes trying to educate the narrow minded is a bottomless pit, and I wonder why I waste my time.
I also find it distressing to come across people who think the only way to wear a skirt or dress is that they have to look female in thinking they have to do this to fit into society. Do women who wear pants have to drink beer, belch, make vulgar comments, watch football, etc…? How about a women who wears mens clothing? Does she have to look like a man to do so? Men used to wear wigs, makeup, tunics, tights, etc… For some reason through the ages, men have lost the ability to wear something other then shirts, pants or something fancy without being unduly labeled as weird. I ponder if ladies would be competing in pants today if Sonja Henie hadn’t been daring enough to wear something different. FYI, the leotard was originally invented by a man for men.
My choice in clothing is as much akin as to someone’s taste in music, I like Bach, Tchaikovsky, Mozart, and other classical composers. Others like jazz, polka, country, rap, and/or other various styles. And while I may dislike someone’s taste in music, what one likes is purely their choice, if I don’t like it, that’s my opinion. And unless someone asks for it, it’s irrelevant.
I hope this short letter has given you some insights as to who I am, and hopefully given some answers for those of you who are uncomfortable in asking me in person. If you do have other questions/concerns however, please do not hesitate to ask, I promise I won’t bite. The hardest question for me to answer is the one not asked, and I’d rather you ask me then assume.
How about this weather were having?
by Steven Arness | Feb 26, 2004 | Thoughts
Ok, lets see if I can still remember everything!
Flying in wasn’t too bad, did hit a few bumps in the air and we arrived early but ended up waiting anyways to get into the gate, luggage made it through relatively unscaved, at least it didn’t get lost!
Thursday was relatively quite, I just went and bought some fast food before turning in for the night. Friday morning turned out to be cold and rainy day but I made it over to the the Today Show before 7am wearing my favorite blue outfit. I did get whistled at on my walk over by someone on the other side of the street, but I just kept walking along, hehe. Was only a couple other people who made it to the Today Show, but we sorta lost out getting any coverage because of them finding that murdered girl, and standing on the wrong side. Someone from the show did come out and take pictures of everyone in line of which I picked up after the show was over at 10am (and I needed to get warm!) I did some walking around the NBC store and then walked back to the hotel for a HOT bath as I was thoroughly chilled.
I changed into my black glitter dot slinky dress and headed over to Applebees for lunch (yeah I know, I’m all the way in New York and I choose Applebees) after which I headed down to the fabric district to look for some fabric, one lady commented on my outfit, she really liked it. And talk about fabric, yowza, rolls and rolls of fabric, all kinds of colors, patterns and what not, talk about overkill! On the walk back to the hotel some guy walking past me asked where my necklace was at. I played dumb but I’m assuming he was talking about a gay pride necklace. Maybe it was my purse that offended him, but I thought it was silly since he was carrying a purse like object under his arms, ignorant people are like that I guess. I went afterwards to dinner and before leaving the owner said she liked my outfit, I talked with her for a good ten minutes about what it was all about and what I was in town for, great chat overall.
Saturday was better weather (Yippie!) I dressed again in my favorite blue outfit, I could have been more subtle, but I said, what the heck? Fifteen minute walk to the bus stop, (I could have taken another bus or subway, but I was going to be early as it was) There was a good group of people already at the Guggenheim Museum when I arrived and was great to meet a lot of the people I knew online in person. The march was fantastic, it really made me proud to be in there fighting for fashion freedom, fact is, I even had a tear in my eye thinking about it. Down at the Met it was pretty cool having everyone there just chatting away, the exhibit was ok I guess, I think it lacked in some things, but other things were good and in depth. After the tour I headed back to the hotel to freshen up and out to get something to eat before meeting up again at Union Square. Oh what a mess that was! Subway ride down was fine, but then the other train to get over there was broke down so I hoofed part of it and bussed the rest, but I wasn’t too late I guess and overall that was a good place to be talking to others about who and what we are. I must have had at least five ladies comment on my legs, and three more that wanted them that day, sorry ladies, I’m still using them! I made it back to my hotel in time to pick up my skate bag and head over to Rockefeller Center and get in a 1/2 hour of skating before dinner. Rockefeller was ok, ice was torn up a lot already and there must have been a good 50+ people on the ice. Price isn’t too bad, $11 for about 3 hours of ice, but definitely a tourist attraction as rental skates cost $6! I had a little girl come up and say that her friend asked her to ask me if I was gay (oh yeah, standard question, lol) I asked her if she was gay for wearing pants, she said no. She then asked if I was married of which I told her I wasn’t and that she was a bit young for me, hehe. But overall I was able to have a bit of fun, did get a couple jumps in and even some spins, fell down doing my 1/2 lutz however, but nothing serious. Had some great chats however, and not all about my clothing either!
After skating I headed over to the bus stop to get to the restaurant, talk about a packed house! I changed into my more fancy blue outfit, even though it wasn’t a fancy dinner meeting, but again, what the heck? Talking to everyone again was great, being able to just sit, listen in and chat was great fun. The speakers were great also, I know people were hoping it wouldn’t be too dry! I know I had a couple claps in my speech, and boy did I make a mess with some of it, teach me for not writing everything out! What was a hoot was that I won a kilt in the raffle drawing, boy did that make a lot of people happy! Afterwards I went back to the hotel only to find I missed the 11pm news in which we supposedly did get some coverage on.
Sunday was another horrid day, 20 degrees out and 30mph winds or more! (Alas I wore pants this day) I didn’t make it far anywhere that day, but did walk through times square, (it’s not really square! LOL) and took the subway to the World Trade Center site, very humble experience. I tried to find a place to eat before leaving the hotel to no avail, just not that many places open early in the morning, so I ended up going back to the hotel and checking out. I did find a place on the way to get something to eat before heading to the airport. Departure went along just fine, no hangups or anything, and again we arrived early to the gate but ended up waiting for the luggage to arrive!
All in all it was a great trip, course the press did a mess of a job reporting it, anyone who saw the headline of 100 men in New York wanting to wear a skirt, that was us, as for the one in the tutu, well, that was me, even though it wasn’t a tutu! But boy did the media make a mess of it, don’t think they bothered to do much research before sending it off. Guess there is always next time, and next time we’ll just have to make sure they do a better job!
Steven
